Break - up

When you have a break-up you have the heart-breaker and the heart broken.   Now in  my case I was the heart breaker.  It was probably one of the hardest things i have had to do.   Not only because a part of me still loves him, but the fact that he is one of my best friends and I never would have imagine me out of all people would be someone to hurt him. 
Is this really what I want though, to not be with him?  I guess my real catch is if I still love him like I did before or do I just love him as a best friend.  I had 2 different dreams last night and one was about him.  I woke up this morning and thought of him.  Are these signs or just something I will get over.  I was planning on going to the Sadie Hawkins dance with this guy, yet I don't think that is gonna happen.   I already bought the tickets, and my mom says I have to go.  I will probably ask one of my closest friends Michael to go.  I really don't know what to do.  He is completely on my mind right now, and I am lost in all confusion.   Feelings are confusing and stupid in my opinion. Yes sometimes they can be interesting and fun, but not this time.  This time they make things hard.   Confusion and Love are probably the 2 worst feelings, and they are even worse when the become intertwined.   I can't believe it has come to this. I mean 4 months ago, this guy was the guy I was crushing on.  IDK what to do!!!
Amanda:)

Creeping into a depression....

Life hasn't even begun to give me its worst... I can't stand this anymore... I used to be so happy and now its becoming harder to do even that.... I can't take the pain I am in.... I try to pull myself back up but it ain't gonna happen anymore.... Everyday I think of my past and what happened and I think to much of my future.  I am slowly hitting the point of depression. :( I never thought me out of all people would fall....
Amanda:)

How much longer?

I have been put thru all this for too long... I am constantly pushed over the edge and sent back down to rock bottom.... I am unappreciated and invisible.... I do so much and its not recognized....   I am ignored and put aside... I can't take it...  I don't know how much longer I can take it... 2 more years...
Amanda:)

New Year! Old Love! New Start!

New Years, the name explains it self.  It is the beginning of a new year.  Many think of this day as a day to make goals for the year!  These goals are known as resolutions!  Almost everyone has a new years resolution whether it is to lose weight or to get good grades.  I usually do not care for a resolution, but this year I decided to go ahead and make one. I have 2 resolutions this year!

1. Stop procrastinating!  I always procrastinate! It is horrible!  I am really good in school I just procrastinate homework and projects! My grades have been slipping and it just isn't like me to do so bad in school! I used to have a 3.8/3.9 GPA! Now, I have to really push myself to maintain a 3.5 GPA, so I can stay in NHS!   
2. Stay focused on school, but still manage to maintain a relationship.  In times past I would always be hardcore school! I then became a teenager and had more of social life and you could tell by my grades.  I then started picking up more on school and it cost me big time. 

Amanda:)